Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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