All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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