I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
