Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
