Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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