so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
