I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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