I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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