If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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