one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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