i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
