My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
