when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
