There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
