This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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