I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
