It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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