have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
