Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
