My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
