The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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