I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
