super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
