The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
