Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
