I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
