so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
