I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
