Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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