Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
