this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
