Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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