Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
