your thong is hanging out like whoa
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
