Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
