she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
