Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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