I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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