You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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