Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
