Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
