my sisters under your porch take her home
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
