North Korea, Best Korea!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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