Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
