Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
