so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
