I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
