kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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