There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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