I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
