my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i will never coherently bang her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
