i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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