So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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