The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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