You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
