I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
