using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
