yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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