I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
