There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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