You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is not my ceiling
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
