maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ttyl tear gas
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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