he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
