OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
