if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
