stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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