Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
