You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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