I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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