he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize