i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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