Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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