just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize