I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The best revenge is premature balding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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