OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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