my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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