Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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