3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
